Another milestone achievement in Western Civilization: we're now apparently too fat to safely procreate. USA! USA! USA!

Jay Demerit's story is well known. The scrappy, tow-headed kid from Green Bay goes to England, catches on with a ninth-tier squad, earns a trial with Watford and eventually scores the goal that sends them to the Premier League. But it's really one of the most remarkable stories in sports. And it's well told in this U.S. Soccer video:

Alex Chilton is dead. Yeah, I know, that doesn't really qualify as news. But before dying he did a lot of drugs in Tuscaloosa, Alabama (and likely elsewhere). Deadspin (huh?) has an oral history of his Tuscaloosa days. It's most likely the most awesome thing you could possibly read today.

I saw Alex Chilton once. At the 7th Street Entry. It was a terrible show. Dude couldn't sing at all.

51 percent of Americans rate Easter as one of the most important holidays, according to Rasmussen Reports, the world's most prolific purveyor of useless information.

Personally I prefer Arbor Day. There's less blood.

Bunky County are the champions. Check sportscenter for highlights.

Wow. Stupid douche-bag racists in St. Cloud. Clearly this pair of geniuses provides irrefutable evidence that white people are not intellectually superior to their other fellow humans.

The only skateboard park in Uganda. Awesome.

The redoubtable Terry Gross put together a tribute to Vic Chesnutt. You can listen to it here.