This is why America is a great country

Tuesday night, about 9:30, at the Speedy Market on Dale Street. At the counter is a 20-something African American gentleman, clearly in his cups, attempting to purchase two 20 oz cans of Steel Reserve. Behind him in line is a short, rotund Hispanic guy carrying three 40 oz bottles of Miller Genuine Draft. The black guy's credit card is rejected. Shaking his head, he mumbles something about his "bitch" spending all his money. The counterman pulls the cans of Steel Reserve out of the bag and the would-be purchaser begins to exit the store dejectedly. But then a twist: the Hispanic guy, whose English language skills are clearly limited, manages to convey -- through a combination of hand gestures and grunts -- that he'll pay for the cans of Steel Reserve. The drunk black guy attempts to convey his thanks. "Hola," he says. "Si, senor," he adds. Another guy in line finally prods him to shake his benefactor's hand. He doesn't follow this advice, but does manage at least one suitable response: "Gracias," he says. The Hispanic guy grunts, pulls out a wad of $20 bills, and pays the whole tab.

Another milestone achievement in Western Civilization: we're now apparently too fat to safely procreate. USA! USA! USA!

Jay Demerit's story is well known. The scrappy, tow-headed kid from Green Bay goes to England, catches on with a ninth-tier squad, earns a trial with Watford and eventually scores the goal that sends them to the Premier League. But it's really one of the most remarkable stories in sports. And it's well told in this U.S. Soccer video:

Alex Chilton is dead. Yeah, I know, that doesn't really qualify as news. But before dying he did a lot of drugs in Tuscaloosa, Alabama (and likely elsewhere). Deadspin (huh?) has an oral history of his Tuscaloosa days. It's most likely the most awesome thing you could possibly read today.

I saw Alex Chilton once. At the 7th Street Entry. It was a terrible show. Dude couldn't sing at all.

51 percent of Americans rate Easter as one of the most important holidays, according to Rasmussen Reports, the world's most prolific purveyor of useless information.

Personally I prefer Arbor Day. There's less blood.

Bunky County are the champions. Check sportscenter for highlights.

Wow. Stupid douche-bag racists in St. Cloud. Clearly this pair of geniuses provides irrefutable evidence that white people are not intellectually superior to their other fellow humans.

The only skateboard park in Uganda. Awesome.